


positive side of things

by crosspolination



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Character Analysis, Friends to Lovers, M/M, anyways joshua loves boys. riku is a boy. so he just. full gay panics, kinda..not that much analysis just joshua rambling, we going crackship hours boys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-16
Updated: 2018-12-16
Packaged: 2019-09-20 01:43:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17013174
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crosspolination/pseuds/crosspolination
Summary: @shibuyascThis is actually really annoying. Like, really annoying.@shibuyascEither annoying or terrifying. I actually cannot decide for once. Why would I ever want to hold his hand. I don’t ever want to hold anyone.@mrmew@shibuyasc you’re just gay@shibuyasc@mrmew I know I am. It doesn’t explain why I want do to this. So, so stupid.In which Joshua gets a crush on Riku and decides to tell Twitter about it.





	positive side of things

**Author's Note:**

  * For [solidarity](https://archiveofourown.org/users/solidarity/gifts).



> WELL well well mERRY CHRISTMAS jun i love u a Lot i hope u ENJOY THIS SOMEHWO,,

Joshua gets a crush.

Or, to be honest, he’s not sure if it’s a crush. He refuses to give it that much power, and yet he can’t help himself when he sees Riku. He’s handling Kairi and Lea both by himself. He blocks, he hits back, and he never once loses his balance. Joshua is shocked, really. He can’t help the tiny smile spreading across his face.

As Lea and Kairi both beg for a second chance (“One more round, please!”) something overcomes Joshua. He has no idea what it is that makes him open Twitter and tweet out his (camouflaged and perfectly hidden) feelings, but he does.

**@shibuyasc**

Boys. That’s it. That’s the tweet.

**@shibuyasc**

Or rather, one boy. Why are boys — okay, this boy, I mean — so pretty when they fight? It’s ridiculous.

**@shibuyasc**

Neku looked ugly whenever he fought.

 

Almost immediately — because his friends live off annoying him and ruining his life — he gets several replies. One is Neku, who simply tweeted “blocked.” He did not block him. The others are from Shiki, who’s suddenly desperate to know who the secret boy is.

 _Not telling_ , Joshua types on the direct message. _Not your business._

 _omg it’s totally riku isn’t it_ , Shiki immediately replies.

Joshua is a bit shocked. Why would she assume it’s him? Joshua could be talking about any boy in Shibuya, ever. Maybe he was talking about a fictional character, or literally about anyone. He decides to not reply just to rile her up more. It actually causes the opposite.

_you not replying just proves that it’s riku. I bet you’re trying to look unbothered rn_

_u r so predictable sometimes_

Well. Now he wasn’t going to reply, and that was just out of pettiness. He puts his phone down again, deciding to focus on Riku— Kairi and Lea, yeah. Focus on them and not Riku only, not at all.

He’s just… fascinating, in a way Joshua could not describe. It’d be stupid for him to call Riku unique, to say he’s never met anyone like him, but it’s come to his surprise that he really hasn’t. He’s not quite sure in what way he means it, if in the ‘this person is clearly unique — his ideals, his morals, the absolute balance he possess without him noticing’ way or in the ‘this person willingly seeks me out and spends time with me. He also has slept in my bed’ way.

He must’ve been caught in his thoughts again, because suddenly they’re all done fighting. Riku looks barely out of breath, as expected of him, and the little sweat he has makes him look like he’s shining. Joshua is staring. He can _feel_ himself zoning out on that image. Of course it doesn’t go unnoticed by Riku’s friends.

“Next time I feel like Riku’s going to be easier to battle with,” Lea says with a sigh. “He’s just trying to show off to his boyfriend right now.”

Joshua chokes, but internally. He immediately catches up on the implication — Riku is showing off to impress him. He highly doubts Riku would ever do that, mainly because he’s already impressed Joshua by existing, and secondly… it’s not like Riku actually has a crush on him. Or any feelings that go beyond ‘friendship’. He’s still quite unsure whether Riku considers him his friend or not. He has a lot to think about.

“Yeah,” Kairi pipes in. “He’s usually not this quick. Josh, he’s really trying to impress you!”

Riku is _beyond_ red. Joshua has no idea if it’s him being embarrassed or post-workout redness. Either way, he says, “He’s not my boyfriend.”

And. Well. Hey. Something inside Joshua twists a little – maybe his stomach because it definitely wasn’t his heart. He smirks anyway, sighing.

“A shame, really,” he says and he hopes that didn’t sound too honest. He’s regretting his choice of words already. “He really swept me off my feet back there.”

He regrets his choice of words _more_. Joshua’s not the usual type to admit he regrets something, ever. Riku splutters out a “Really?” as Kairi and Lea only carry on laughing. They propose to head back to rest, and leave the invitation hanging there, like they know Riku and Joshua want to be alone now.

He appreciates that, really.

“Sorry again,” Riku apologizes for the ninth time. “I really forgot I was supposed to train with them. I hope that was entertaining?”

Joshua pats his shoulder slightly. “Oh, don’t worry. It was. Always up to see you kicking two asses at once.”

That makes Riku laugh. Joshua pretends to not see the way his eyes crinkle, because if he does, he’s going to be in a lot more problem than he is right now.

“I’m also sorry about them teasing,” he says, this time quieter. He just never knows when to stop apologizing, huh? “They really think I’m dating you.”

This is the part where Joshua should brush it off with a laugh. A ‘how wild, isn’t it’ thing. The part where they both share a laugh at how could such a ridiculous thing be mentioned, like, how could they ever date. And _yet_. Joshua’s brain for once seems to not be functioning the way he wants it to function.

“My friends, too,” Joshua says with the most shocked voice. He hates it a lot. Why is his brain taking a vacation whenever he’s with Riku? “They asked me if I was coming to visit my boyfriend, earlier.”

They both share a laugh. Joshua has really not idea what he’s laughing at, but Riku seems super flushed, and it’s a good thing Joshua can control that.

“Well, do you want to go grab a bite? You know, make your stay be worth it?”

He knows, deep inside, that his stay is worth it as long as he’s spending it with Riku. But not like he’s going to say that – he’s already said _enough_. He’s said enough for a lifetime, really.

“You’re right — my time _is_ valuable.” It makes Riku laugh, like he sees right through him and can read his original thought. He hates that connection they seem to have. “Lead the way.”

He walks besides Riku as he keeps talking, and he wonders what it is that makes people think they’re dating. Does Joshua give away anything? Does he stare at him for too long? Does he act differently?

Maybe it was just a joke.

Joshua hopes it stays like that.

♡

**@shibuyasc**

This is actually really annoying. Like, really annoying.

**@shibuyasc**

Either annoying or terrifying. I actually cannot decide for once. Why would I ever want to hold his hand. I don’t ever want to hold anyone.

**@mrmew**

**@shibuyasc** you’re just gay

**@shibuyasc**

**@mrmew** I know I am. It doesn’t explain why I want do to this. So, so stupid.

 

Riku returns from the store with two ice creams in each one. He hands one to Joshua, and they both sit on the little bench, somewhat pressed together. It’s kind of hard to ignore his presence like this, so close to him. He’s been having those stupid thoughts lately, like what would it feel like if after this they held hands while they walked. Or what’d it feel like to be held by him.

It’s all extremely stupid. Joshua detests it. He wants to reach out inside his head and throw the whole brain out — it’s stupid and it’s _scary_. He can’t remember the last time he hugged someone to begin with. Why would he ever _want_ to hug Riku?

“You okay there, Joshua?” Riku waves his hand in front of him, laughing a bit. “You seem a little lost.”

“Ah, my apologies,” Joshua hurries to say. “I must’ve zoned out.”

“Anything on your mind?”

This is the other terrifying thing: the way he kind of feels compelled to tell Riku what really goes on in his mind. He has no idea where that comes from — the _trust_. The feeling that he could tell Riku something and he would actually care. He hates it. It’s such a scary feeling and he really should not grow used to it.

“Just… thinking,” he replies. His last brain cell decides to pack up and leave him. “Just thinking about relationships.”

“Oh?” Riku raises an eyebrow at that. “You have someone on your thoughts?”

“Kind of,” he hums. “It’s more about… like, how hard it is to trust someone to that extent. Be accepted and still be loved for who you are by your partner. I can’t wrap my head around it.” He’s talking a bit too much, he knows. “Two people, who trust each other wholeheartedly, understand each other, and loves the other beyond words could explain. Not even mentioning the fact they’d have to be in an incredible trust level to actually kiss and touch each other. It’s… curious, but also terrifying.”

Riku listens to everything intently. Of course he does. When is he ever nothing but nice and attentive?

“I understand what you mean,” his words would sound way too serious if he hadn’t licked the ice cream right now. “I’ve had my share of trust issues. I think… if you let the fear dominate it, you’re never going to be able to see it as it is: a wonderful thing. The way fear taints even the purest things can be the biggest enemy you could ever have.”

Joshua blows out a breath. “Wow, Riku. That’s too deep.” He chuckles. “What made you so wise, huh?”

“I guess…” he scratches his head, a bit embarrassed, “I’ve lived with darkness for so long, I’ve started to cherish the bright side of things. It’s actually helped me a lot.”

It’s such a cocktail of emotions inside Joshua. He’s both envious of such a great mindset, and he’s also really, _really_ proud of him. In the ‘if you can do it, so can I’ way. Joshua doesn’t know what to do with that information, so his brain cell decides to take thirty steps further away from him.

“I see,” he says. He wishes his brain cell came back. “So, what you’re saying is that you would consider holding my hand because it’s a wonderful thing.”

Riku laughs, but it’s not really a mocking laugh. He looks shy now. He seems like he won’t say anything, probably will change the topic, but he surprises Joshua beyond words when he reaches out to hold the hand between them. His fingers slide with Joshua’s, squeezing softly, and Joshua promptly freezes. His head goes blank. It kind of collapses in that exact same second.

Riku’s a bit oblivious to this, which is probably what Joshua needed. His muscles slowly stop tensing up and he slowly releases a breath. It’s actually… nice. He feels the warmth from Riku’s hand like it’s burning him, maybe because he’s always slightly cold, but he doesn’t feel like putting it away. He does feel like running away, though. Guess you can’t have it all.

“It’s not bad, is it?” Riku asks, almost mumbling.

“It’s…” Joshua licks his lips. He’s never been in these types of situations – this odd intimacy atmosphere floating between them. He squeezes his hand involuntarily. “It could be considered as wonderful, yes.”

Riku laughs heartily. That earns him another squeeze from Joshua – he didn’t even realize he did it.

He wants to say he’s able to forget they’re holding hands. It’s awfully haunting and thought-consuming, like his brain is yelling at him to be uncomfortable, and yet. And _yet_. He’s not even the slightest uncomfortable.

He hates this a lot, really. This is the scary part.

The part where he actually enjoys it.

**@shibuyasc**

This is stupid.

Feelings are stupid.

Never hold hands, ever.

**@shibuyasc**

The worst part is that I kind of want to do it again. Like, often. Maybe often do that again. I don’t know.

**@mrmew**

**@shibuyasc** oh damn this is serious huh

**@shibuyasc**

**@mrmew** I think. I don’t know. Can it… perish

**@mrmew**

**@shibuyasc** or you could confess your feelings, like a normal person

**@shibuyasc**

**@mrmew** Good thing I’m already dead.

**@mrmew**

**@shibuyasc** STOP USING IT AS AN EXCUSE FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE

 

♡

Turns out the hand-holding takes you to _places_.

Joshua has no idea where he’s standing, really. It’s been a little too wild for him to keep up and for his brain to process what’s happening. It started off as hand-holding, which is quite normal compared to his standards now.

It mutated slowly.

Hand-holding also turned into ‘hand around his waist to guide him somewhere’. That became (rarely) linking his arm with his. And, while Joshua knows he should be terrified – he knows he should absolutely be on the run and never seeing him again, he finds himself… oddly comforted. It is so oddly comforting to feel Riku’s warmth, Riku’s presence, _Riku_. He’s never been the one who initiated the contact, somehow it’s always been Riku, but… apparently, it is welcomed. It’s beyond welcomed, actually.

Keeping this in mind, and keeping the fact Joshua isn’t running away from his feelings (for now), he wonders exactly what he is doing by letting his own head hit Riku’s shoulder in the middle of a movie marathon.

It doesn’t make sense.

He’s not like this. He doesn’t remember when was the last time he ever initiated physical, intimate contact with someone.

And yet.

Riku reacts a little, but it’s never in an unpleasant way. It’s so weird.

“Are you comfortable?” he asks, gently, and if Joshua had a heart it would probably explode. “Do you want me to move so you can rest better?”

“No, I’m comfortable.” He doesn’t even recognize his own voice. It’s too sappy and embarrassing. He sighs. "I guess that’s the thing. I’m too comfortable.”

“…I feel like you have something else to say.”

“I…” he licks his lips, trying to remember when was the last time he felt _this_ nervous. “I… have no idea what I feel towards you, but. It’s a lot.”

“Is it positive or negative?”

“…Positive?” Joshua feels really stupid for not being able to make eye contact, even though he can feel Riku’s eyes on him. “In retrospective, it’s positive. Wanting to be more with someone, wanting to be closer and more intimate, it’s all good things. But for me it’s… it’s a little…”

“Overwhelming?”

Joshua lets out a short, dry laugh. “Yeah, you could say it’s overwhelming.”

“I know how you feel,” as usual, Riku’s hand finds his. “Does it feel like you want to run away sometimes?”

“…Yes,” he admits, quietly. “It’s not personal or anything. Or towards you. It’s just –“

“You’re scared.”

“I guess I am.”

“I’m scared too,” Well. This suddenly got way too serious for a Disney marathon. “It’s the first time I’ve felt like this towards someone. I’m scared something’s going to happen, or that this isn’t what we’re supposed to do. It’s scary.”

“You sound like you want to say more.”

“I just don’t want fear to control my life, not any single aspect of it,” Riku sighs a little. His grip on Joshua’s hand is warm, oddly comforting. “So I want to approach this with a positive mindset. I don’t want to think about what’s the _worst_ that could happen.”

“Hm? What do you want to think about, then?”

Joshua finally looks up, just in time to see Riku grinning a bit. Yeah, his non-heart stops for a second.

“How about what’s the best that could happen,” he says. “Best case scenario is that I get a boyfriend.”

“B-boyfriend?” he doesn’t mean to stutter like that. He doesn’t. It just happened. “You want us to…?”

“I’d like that. I happen to… feel a lot towards you, too.”

Joshua laughs because he’s not really sure what to do. Their hands are still clasped together, like a promise of some sorts. He takes a deep breath.

“It’s…” Bright side of things. “I’d like that, too. Us.”

Riku breaks into the best smile he’s seen in his whole life. Joshua smiles in turn too, too genuine and too heartfelt even for him, but he finds out he can start caring a little less for it. Riku drags him a bit closer, inches away from him, and then he feels lips against his forehead.

Joshua stops functioning.

Absolutely stops functioning. His eyes must be comically wide, because Riku is laughing again, and he touches the kissed spot with his hands like it didn’t happen at all.

“I,” he tries. “I’m.”

“You should get used to it,” Riku says, sounding proud. He readjusts himself so Joshua is back on his shoulder and he presses play on their movie. “I’ll do that a lot.”

“Oh my gosh,” Joshua stares at Rapunzel wide-eyed. “I will die.”

 

**@shibuyasc**

Well I mean. I guess I have a boyfriend now so all these past annoying tweets were worth something.

**@mrmew**

**@shibuyasc** WHAT

WHAT

COME BACK

JOSHUA KIRYU

JOSHUA KIRYU PICK UP YOUR FUCKING PHONE

JOSHAU

OJHHJHMMMMMMMMMMY HGOSDH

**@phonescat**

**@shibuyasc** please pick up the phone I promise im never blocking you again if you do. Please.

 

Joshua leaves them all on read, just to fuck with them. Maybe he’ll tell them properly later, but for now, he shows the messages to Riku who laughs like it’s the best prank ever pulled, and that’s enough for Joshua now.

**Author's Note:**

> pls follow me at @joshriku i only care abt them, ever


End file.
